I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize