some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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