So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
