Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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