We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
