I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
