I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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