Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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