You're my little dorito
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
