I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize