Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love you.
Bad choice
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