He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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