my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
