everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
