I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
