A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
