its not stalking. its research.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
