yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
