EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
