I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
