There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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