Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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