I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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