No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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