yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize