he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
