Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
