Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
