Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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