I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What did we do last night that was yellow?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
