I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
