I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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