..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
