the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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