I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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