: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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