it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
