Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
not ubering you a puppy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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