Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
