He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
