I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
