Jerry, you need to find god
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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