my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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