so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
