If that was your dad, he is hot
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
