somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
