Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize