do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
