Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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