jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Actions speak louder than pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize