I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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