You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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