I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize