Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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