So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
