woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
