I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
