Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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