What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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