I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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