dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
