It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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