Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
