If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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