the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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