matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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