Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
