I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
