Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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