My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
