You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
