i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
