You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
