do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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