the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
