Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
