Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
