Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
