I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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