So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
