She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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