I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
