So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
