I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
