put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize