You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize