I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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