Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
