I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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