who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
