Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
