You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want her autograph on my taint
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
