I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
