did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
