Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
