Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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