Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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