On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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