I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
