rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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