Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
