i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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