You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
