Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize