there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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