Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
