hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
