dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found puke in my bra..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
