My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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